Released today in 1986: Merry Christmas Santa Claus

Chrysalis CLAUS1

Could this truly awful novelty Christmas single from Max Headroom be the reason why his American TV show ended a few months later? No, as it happens, but it was a truly awful record all the same. But then, releasing terrible singles at Christmas is a tradition in Britain and 1986 was no exception. Max Headroom was joined by these, among many others:

The Barron Knights R-R-Rock Me Father Christmas (Medley)
Serial novelty hit makers, it’s only surprising that they didn’t make more attempts at the Christmas charts than they did.

Derek Jameson Yes Virginia (There Is A Santa Claus)
The B-side of his kitschy single Do They Mean Us? (name after his television series, they answer being ‘They surely do!’), flipped to be the A-side over the festive period. “When will people learn that drivel wrapped in Christmas paper is drivel all the same,” asked Record Mirror – although the lack of a question mark at the end of that sentence indicated the reviewer had little hope that people would ever learn. They still haven’t.

Frank Sidebottom Christmas Is Really Fantastic
Chris Sievey’s alter ego, particularly popular in the mid-80s, with his second annual Christmas EP. Frank was a bit of a Pollyanna, relentlessly optimistic despite his limited circumstances (not least having a papier-mâché head). Christmas was therefore a time where he really came into his own.

Spitting Image Santa Claus Is On The Dole
Not the first or last time, the team from the ITV latex puppet show ‘Spitting Image’ tried for a hit single. The B-side was The 1st Atheist Tabernacle Choir: “If you don’t believe in God, clap your hands/If you don’t trust in The Lord, then clap your hands/If you reject the possibility of a deity then clap your hands/and join the atheist Tabernacle choir.”

Bill Waddington Don’t Forget The Old Folks At Christmas
Included on this list despite a technicality: in my opinion, true ‘novelty’ records are those recorded by acts who don’t make music for a living, and Bill Waddington at one point certainly did. But in 1986, he was known only as a soap opera actor.

These singles also had to compete with the usual charity releases and festive tunes from established artists such as The Swingle Singers (“The Housemartins for the over 45s. No thanks,” said Record Mirror), Boris Gardner (“Of the many other seasonal offerings, Boris’s reggae-ish treatment of the Christmas alphabet is the least nauseating”) and Elaine Paige (“It must have smashed Elaine’s brains to get involved with this Santa-and-sleighs fiasco”).

NEW SINGLES on sale from Dec. 8
1986
MAX HEADROOM Merry Christmas Santa Claus (You’re A Lovely Guy) (Chrysalis CLAUS1)

Released today in 1984: My White Bicycle

WEA YZ30

‘Neil’ (full name Neil Wheedon Watkins Pye, credited on his singles with a lower-case N) was a character in the BBC sitcom ‘The Young Ones’. This was a show that generated a significant amount of merchandise in the mid-80s, with the character of Neil being the focus of a lot of it. A book, Neil’s Book Of The Dead, was published, but his appearance on the cover of Smash Hits (5 July 1984; Neil gave that his date of birth because “Today is the first day of the rest of your life and it could get WORSE!”) was prompted by his cover of Traffic’s Hole In My Shoebeing released as a single. There were two problems with this, as Mark Ellen discussed with Neil in the Smash Hits interview.

1. Neil had died before the single was released. Everyone had seen it happen in the final episode of ‘The Young Ones’ on 19 June 1984, and the single didn’t come out until July. “You will remember to tell them that I’m dead, right, and this was recorded before I died? Because otherwise I’ll get into real trouble…I just went along to this studio to, like, do some of my poetry and sing some of my songs and have a really mellow experience and then they got this really heavy producer in who said, you know, that we had to use tape-recorders and things and then, you know, the whole thing kind of escalated from there and just became , like, a real hassle.”

2. Neil didn’t like the blatant commercialism of making a record anyway. “I think it’s a sell-out. And all the films and books and everything and all the t-shirts and all the little mugs and everything that are going to come out to promote the single, the jungles on the radio and everything, all the ‘sell-out’ stuff, right, was all done, like, before we died and we’re all going off to a special island that’s a tax haven… oh, no, we’re not. Oh no. I’ve blown it already… a special tax exile island where we can rest up and watch the royalties come in.”

Despite these two pressing problems, the single very nearly reached the top of the chart; both it, and its follow-up My White Bicycle, were taken from Neil’s Heavy Concept Album; and Neil’s recordings ended up winning a special award at the 1985 BPI Awards, for comedy recording of the year. But thereafter, his career as a recording artist came to an end and he returned to being dead.

It wasn’t the end of actor Nigel Planer’s sideline as a singer. The following year, there was another release, this time under his own name. He sang the theme song to the ITV television series ‘King And Castle’, in which he also starred. The song was Rough With The Smooth, written by High Cornwell of The Stranglers.

NEW SINGLES on sale from Dec. 7
1984
NEIL (Nigel Planer) My White Bicycle (WEA YZ30)
1987
EURYTHMICS Shame (RCA DA14)
Samantha FOX True Devotion (Jive FOXY13)
The SMITHS Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody (Rough Trade RT200)

Released today in 1984: Sexcrime (1984)

Virgin VS728

The feature film of George Orwell’s dystopian novel 1984, starring John Hurt as protagonist Winston Smith, was released in the UK on October 10th, 1984. The controversy regarding its soundtrack has already been referred to on this blog. To expand on this: director Michael Radford objected to the music supplied by Eurythmics; he had already approved a conventional orchestral score composed by Dominic Muldowney. While some of Muldowney’s compositions were included in the finished cut, Eurythmics tracks replaced them in many key scenes at the insistence of the studio, Virgin Films. For example, Eurythmics’ single Julia was played over the credits at the film’s close. “The film which is currently playing in London is not the film I made,” Radford told those present when he accepted the award for Film Of The Year at Evening Standard British Film Awards in November 1984. He claimed the music from Eurythmics had been “foisted” on him to make the film more commercially appealing. He asked that British Academy of Film and Television Arts exclude it from consideration for the following year’s BAFTA awards owing to his dissatisfaction with the version that had been theatrically released. It was only at this point that Eurythmics became aware of the problem, having accepted the commission to write songs for the score from Virgin Films in good faith.

Orwell’s novel remains relevant today. Plenty of column inches were used in the year itself to discuss which aspects of modern life he had correctly anticipated, and we’re still doing it today. The themes of censorship and surveillance in particular are constantly in the news, although they have been since the Second World War, and would have been anyway regardless of Orwell – many of the concepts he describes were inspired by events and actions taken during the conflict. But it’s useful shorthand to describe anything that appears to invade privacy as ‘Orwellian’, as we understand this to mean something not just intrusive, but arbitrary and excessive. In the novel, Winston’s job involves re-writing past newspaper articles, so that historical records always support the government’s current position. Previous versions of books and newspapers are destroyed, so if someone remembers things differently to what officials are currently passing off as the truth, there is no way to verify it. It could be argued the recent Google “right to be forgotten” ruling is only one step away from this.

Words, phrases and names from the book have also passed into our language. The unseen character Big Brother is a household name; the internationally syndicated television show named after him is based on the concept in the book of being under constant scrutiny. Room 101 is also a commonly understood phrase and has a British television show named after it. “Doublethink” and “thoughtcrime” are used when discussing governments, organizations or individuals whose actions are believed to be totalitarian; we often add the suffix ‘speak’ to words (as in the novel’s “Newspeak”) to describe linguistic concepts, such as management-speak. Portmanteau words

Orwell himself remains an important literary figure. The first substantial volume of his poetry was published last week.

NEW SINGLES on sale from Oct. 22
1982
HEAVEN 17 Let Me Go (Virgin VS532)
Billy IDOL White Wedding (Chrysalis CHS2656)
1984
DALI’S CAR (Peter Murphy) Judgement Is The Mirror (DOX DOX1)
DURAN DURAN Wild Boys (EMI DURAN3)
EURYTHMICS Sexcrime (1984) (Virgin VS728)
David SYLVIAN Pulling Punches (Virgin VS717)

Released today in 1987: And I Dream

First Night SCORE13

British soap operas have a lot to answer for. They have launched – or revived – countless recording careers that we would otherwise have been spared. It has been that way since in the 1950s, but the proliferation of long-running continuing dramas in the 1980s meant that this was the decade where it seemed that every month there was another soap actor with a single in the racks. There were imported shows as well of course – If You Were There has already looked at the contribution ‘Neighbours’ made to the charts, for example – but it was the cast members of UK soaps who had maximum opportunity to promote their records, American and Australian stars having to take a break in their filming schedules to do PAs in support of a single in Britain.

Of course, not all the records were bad. And strictly speaking, many of those actors attempting to make the pop charts in the 80s had paid their musical dues before joining their soaps, so they weren’t using them as a platform to begin a career in the recording industry: the increased exposure of appearing on TV screens at least twice a week simply encouraged either the artistes themselves, or A&R reps at record companies, to see if making a record was viable. Take ‘Coronation Street’ (first episode: 9 December 1960) for example. Actor Bill Waddington (born in 1916) had been a music hall performer in his early career; he joined Corrie in 1983 and it was one of his final jobs before his retirement in the late 90s. His contribution to the 1980s music scene was the novelty record Don’t Forget The Old Folks At Christmas (Ritz PERCY1 – the vanity catalogue number was a reference to his character’s name). His stage performing history didn’t excuse this single, but it does at least explain it (somewhat).

Its sheer longevity led to numerous stars from another ITV soap, ‘Crossroads’ (first episode: 2 November 1964) appearing on vinyl, either before, during or after their time on the show. The cast was headed for more than 15 years by Noele Gordon from its first episode until 1981, when she was sacked. This was allegedly because the studio wanted to cancel the series, but they couldn’t justify ending a series with such high ratings; it was thought that if its most popular star was removed, viewing figures would drop and it could then be quietly retired. Gordon’s response? The appropriately-titled single After All These Years (EMI EMI5218), released as news of her exit made the press. (Even without Gordon, ‘Crossroads’ continued until 4 April 1988.) Another cast member releasing a single in 1981 was Kate Robbins, whose More Than In Love (RCA RCA69) actually featured in the show. It was co-written and co-produced by Simon May, later composer of the ‘EastEnders’ theme tune. (See our earlier list of original cast members from ‘EastEnders’ who released singles in the 1980s.)

Still in 1981 but back to the novelty end of the market: Grandad’s Motto (Spy 80 S1000) was ‘Emmerdale Farm’ (first episode: 16 October 1972) actor Stan Richards’ contribution, released under the name Stan And The Gang. Richards played poacher Seth Armstrong from 1978 until his death in 2005. Early in his career, he had earned a living as a pub pianist.

Channel 4’s ‘Brookside’ (first episode: 2 November 1982) featured David Easter as the ‘jack-the-lad’ Pat Hancock from 1984 until 1987, when he left to pursue other opportunities, one of which was today’s featured single with Hazel O’Connor from the musical ‘Girlfriends’. Easter had long had an interest in theatre and singing. Before ‘Brookside’ he had had a stint as assistant stage manager at Brighton’s Floral Pavilion, and had acted in Rep in Chesterfield, Nottingham, York, and London. He had had a role in the 1980 film ‘The Music Machine’ and danced in Paul McCartney’s movie ‘Give My Regards To Broad Street’. His ‘Brookside’ alter ego was also an aspiring musician.

‘Take The High Road’ (first episode: 19 February 1980) seems to be the only long-established British soap in the 80s where no one in the permanent cast tried to have a hit single. Or perhaps I’ve missed that novelty hit by Mrs Mack? Let me know if you know otherwise.

NEW SINGLES on sale from Oct. 5
1981
U2 Gloria (Island WIP6733)
1984
The STYLE COUNCIL Shout To The Top (Polydor TSC7)
1987
The CURE (Robert Smith) Just Like Heaven (Fiction FICS27)
EIGHTH WONDER (Patsy Kensit) (It’s Over) When The ‘Phone Stops Ringing (CBS PHONE1)
Samantha FOX I Promise You (Get Ready) (Jive FOXY12)
Hazel O’CONNOR and David EASTER And I Dream (First Night SCORE13)
THEN JERICO (Mark Shaw) Muscle Deep [re-issue] (London LON156)

Released today in 1985: The Boy With The Thorn In His Side

Rough Trade RT191

Morrissey decided that the cover star for The Smiths’ single The Boy With The Thorn In His Side needed to be identified only by his given name: the sleeve credits ‘Truman’ only. (The only other subject whose surname wasn’t supplied was another American, James Dean, who appeared on the front of the next single). Truman (born Truman Streckfus Persons) was best known by the name Truman Capote, under which he wrote short stories, novels, plays, and nonfiction, most famously the short novel Breakfast at Tiffany’s (1958) and the “nonfiction novel” In Cold Blood (1966), a part-fictionalized piece of extended journalism about the murder of a Kansas farm-holding family. With the publication of the latter title, Capote’s literary career reached its zenith and during the 1970s he became a professional celebrity, a popular guest on television talk shows – a medium perfect for his witty, gossipy persona. Unfortunately, this period coincided with one of ill health and dependence on drugs and alcohol. He famously appeared on some television shows intoxicated and acknowledged that he was endangering his life by failing to manage his addictions, an unusually frank admission for the time. He spent some years in and out of rehab clinics and his breakdowns were a matter of public record. His licence was revoked when it was decided his behaviour made him unfit to drive, he was hospitalized after a hallucinatory seizure, and by the 1980s he had grown tired of fame and become reclusive, producing only the occasional short piece of writing until his death just over a year before the release of The Boy With The Thorn In His Side.

NEW SINGLES on sale from Sep. 27
1982
CLASSIX NOUVEAUX (Sal Solo) The End…Or The Beginning? (Liberty BP414)
1985
The SMITHS The Boy With The Thorn In His Side (Rough Trade RT191)

Released today in 1986: Every Loser Wins

BBC Records & Tapes RESL204

This single was the result of a plot point in the BBC soap opera ‘EastEnders’. Nick Berry’s character, Simon Wicks, forms a band (‘The Banned’) with some friends.
An argument breaks out when they can’t decide whose song to perform in a competition – Simon’s song, Something Outa Nothing, or one by Harry Reynolds (played by Gareth Potter) – who owns most of the instruments they play. When the others side with Harry, Simon leaves and writes a ballad Every Loser Wins for a solo career, but he gives up his musical ambitions soon after.

Every Loser Wins and Something Outa Nothing were actually co-written by Stewart and Bradley James and ‘EastEnders’ theme tune composer Simon May. Berry’s studio recording of the former was one of three official BBC singles tied in with ‘EastEnders’ during 1986; in the original press release the BBC confidently predicted that “with full BBC TV and radio support this is definitely a top ten hit.” In fact it went to #1, and so pleased were the BBC with its success that they commissioned a whole album from him (Nick Berry, REB618, 3 December 1986), released just in time for the Christmas market. “I have enjoyed working on my first album with Mike [Batt] and I am very happy with our choice of tracks. I am keeping my fingers crossed that the album will be as big a hit as Every Loser Wins,” he said, but like his character Wicksy, Berry soon gave up any musical dreams.

Several of Berry’s co-stars also released singles in the same year. In fact, eight of the original 23 contract actors for the show (Berry himself joined some nine months into the series) were featured on 45rpm recordings…

Actor/artist: Ross Davidson
EastEnders role: Andy O’Brien
First appearance: 21 March 1985
Exit: 14 August 1986

Single: Jigsaw Puzzle
Label: Spartan
Catalogue number: SP140
Release date: November 1986
Highest chart position: –

Writers and producers Stewart and Bradley James were hired as the ‘musical directors’ for the album EastEnders Sing-along (BBC Records & Tapes REB586, 11 November 1985), a kind of Music Hall collection in which most of the current cast of the show sang medleys of songs traditionally popular around the old pub piano (Roll Out The Barrell and the like). They suggested to Ross Davidson that he make a record with his real-life partner and co-star Shirley Cheriton (Debbie Wilkins); she declined so instead it was decided to cut a solo single. ‘EastEnders’ producer Julia Smith was very unhappy about this but Davidson defied her, telling him she could kill his character off if she wasn’t happy. So she did: Andy O’Brien was the second original character to be permanently written out and the first one to be killed off.

Actor/artist: Letitia Dean
EastEnders role: Sharon Watts
First appearance: 19 February 1985
Exit: 6 July 1995
(returned in 2000)
Single: Something Outa Nothing
Label: BBC Records & Tapes
Catalogue number: RESL203
Release date: 13 October 1986
Highest chart position: 12

This single – a duet between Letitia Dean and Paul J Medford – was promoted at the EMI sales conference in September 1986 as being by The Banned, the group featured in the storyline described above. In the end it was released under the names of the two actors.

Actor/artist: Peter Dean
EastEnders role: Pete Beale
First appearance: 19 February 1985
Exit: 13 May 1993

Single: Can’t Get A Ticket For The World Cup
Label: CBS
Catalogue number: A7150
Release date: 19 May 1986
Highest chart position: –

Novelty record released to coincide with the Mexico world cup. Record Mirror (31 May 1986) asked Dean about England’s prospects: “I must admit I wouldn’t take Bryan Robson. I think his inclusion is a bit of an old pals act. He’s a great player but he’s not 100% fit. [Peter] Shilton is a great goalkeeper but I’d like to see [Ray] Clemence of Tottenham out there. [Glenn] Hoddle can make or break a game but I don’t think he can handle the problems of the attitude. I don’t think he’s a 90-minute player. [Gary] Lineker has got to prove himself. [He did. He was the tournament’s top goal-scorer.] It’s all very well being the best in the league but he’s got his work cut out against world-class defenders. I like [Mark] Hateley; I liked his dad even more. I like those old-fashioned centre-forwards.” Of the eventual winning team, he said Diego “Maradona of Argentina is a complete genius. I think he can walk on water. What he can do with a ball, Paul Daniels couldn’t do.”

Actor/artist: Anita Dobson
EastEnders role: Angie Watts
First appearance: 19 February 1985
Exit: 19 May 1988

Single: Anyone Can Fall In Love
Label: BBC Records & Tapes
Catalogue number: RESL191
Release date: 28 July 1986
Highest chart position: 4

The official vocal version of the ‘EastEnders’ theme tune, performed by the actress playing one of the most popular characters. It sold 20,000 copies in the first four days following its release alone. Dobson used this opportunity to launch a brief recording career, but this lasted barely longer than her tenure on the show. Nevertheless, she was the only cast member to issue a follow-up in 1986: On My Own appeared as a single on the Fanfare label (FAN9, 24 November 86) and was also the title of her debut album (Telstar STAR2277).

Actor/artist: Oscar James
EastEnders role: Tony Carpenter
First appearance: 28 February 1985
Exit: 28 May 1987

Single: Love Riding High
Label: 10 Records
Catalogue number: TEN166
Release date: 10 November 1986
Highest chart position: –

In the issue for the week ending 15 November 1986, so fed up had they become with ‘EastEnders’ stars making records that a No.1 coverline declared: “Guaranteed: No E***E**ERS in THIS ISSUE” – although this turned out to be a lie, as Oscar James’ new single was reviewed inside. Despite press adverts declaring that Love Riding High was his debut, James had in fact been recording for over twenty years, with early singles appearing on the Carnival label.

Actor/artist: Paul Medford
EastEnders role: Kelvin Carpenter
First appearance: 12 March 1985
Exit: 3 September 1987

Single: see details under Letitia DEAN above.

Paul J Medford must have been happy to record this single for ‘EastEnders’ as he wanted to sing professionally, this being the reason he eventually left the show. He went on to concentrate of developing his high baritone singing voice and his dancing ability and ever since has been in demand for musical productions, starring in several West End shows.

Actor/artist: Wendy Richard
EastEnders role: Pauline Fowler
First appearance: 19 February 1985
Exit: 25 December 2006

Single: Come Outside
Label: WEA
Catalogue number: YZ91
Release date: 17 November 1986
Highest chart position: 96

Richard had previously recorded this song with Mike Sarne in 1962 (Parlophone R4902) and it went to #1. For this re-recording, she teamed up with Mike Berry, her co-star in the sitcom ‘Are You Being Served?’, but as shown it didn’t do quite as well second time around. She also recorded a single called We Had A Dream in 1963. Richard made a point about the spelling of her name with the title of her 2000 autobiography, No ‘S’ My Life Story.

Actor/artist: Tom Watt
EastEnders role: Lofty Holloway
First appearance: 26 February 1985
Exit: 19 April 1988

Single: Subterranean Homesick Blues
Label: Watt The Duck
Catalogue number: DUCK1
Release date: 27 May 1986
Highest chart position: –

This cover of the Bob Dylan song was the sole release on Tom Watt’s own record label, Watt The Duck. Courtesy of his label, Watt also contributed to a charity single called Live-In World, recorded under the ensemble name The Anti-Heroin Project, in 1986, which also featured Holly Johnson, Nik Kershaw,Hazel O’Connor,Sinitta and Kim Wilde among others.

NEW SINGLES on sale from Sep. 22
1980
Kate BUSH Army Dreamers (EMI EMI5106)
1986
A-HA I’ve Been Losing You (Warner Bros W8594)
Nick BERRY Every Loser Wins (BBC RESL204)
The HOUSEMARTINS Think For A Minute (Go! Discs GOD13)
Billy IDOL To Be A Lover (Chrysalis IDOL8)
Howard JONES All I Want (WEA HOW10)
MADONNA True Blue (Re-mix) (Sire W8850
PET SHOP BOYS Suburbia (Parlophone R6140)
PRETENDERS Don’t Get Me Wrong (WEA YZ88)
SHARPE AND NUMAN (Gary Numan)New Thing From London Town (Numa NU19)
Paul YOUNG Wonderland (CBS YOUNG1)

Released today in 1985: Angel

Sire W8881

The picture of Madonna used on the sleeve of Angel was taken by Herb Ritts (1952-2002). Ritts’ work was ubiquitous in the Eighties: it appeared in numerous famous fashion journals and other magazines, and he photographed just about every celebrated American during the decade whether he or she was a writer, a musician, a politician, and actress, a sportsman… the field the subjects were famous in didn’t matter; he could capture their personalities in a single image. His portraits of the proponents of 1980s popular culture are a quintessential collection.

His break as a photographer came in 1977 when he took some stunning black and white photos of his friend Richard Gere, who at that time was just beginning his career as a screen actor. Once the pictures of Gere went public, there was demand for Ritts’ services from a number of sources. It was his black and white, naturally-lit pictures – at once timeless and of their time – that were most recognizable, in particular his capturing of the rise of the super models in the second half of the 80s. His ‘Stephanie, Cindy, Christy, Tatjana, Naomi: Hollywood, 1989’ is one of his most famous shots.

He worked with Madonna a number of times during the 1980s, with perhaps the most famous of his images of her being the one used on the cover of her album True Blue. The pose he photographed her in was similar to the one Olivia Newton-John had adopted during another of his shoots, the one he did for the cover of the album Physical (1981).

Madonna was also the client for his first music promo video; he directed the film for her single Cherish in 1989. A later clip in the mid-90s was for Jon Bon Jovi’s Please Come Home For Christmas which featured supermodel Cindy Crawford (the Cindy mentioned in the title of the piece above), who at that time was married to Richard Gere – Ritts having introduced them.

NEW SINGLES on sale from Sep. 9
1983
ROMAN HOLLIDAY (Steve Lambert) Motormania (Jive JIVE49)
JIMMY THE HOOVER (Derek Dunbar) Bandana Street (MCA MCA996)
1985
The CLASH (Joe Strummer) This Is England (CBS A6122)
DEAD OR ALIVE (Pete Burns) My Heart Goes Bang (Epic A6571)
MADONNA Angel (Sire W8881)

Released today in 1980: I Want To Be Straight

Stiff BUY90

Was the sleeve above by Barney Bubbles? I don’t know, but it has been suggested that it is his work. The case ‘for’ is that he designed several record covers for Ian Dury at around this time, and for other artists signed to or associated with Stiff records. An alternative sleeve for the same single was also issued, which was created by someone else. The case ‘against’ is that I Want To Be Straight is not listed on either Reasons To Be Cheerful (the Barney Bubbles website, named after a Dury track, which has a section listing some 80 or so singles sleeves he definitely was responsible for), or the very detailed book it promotes, Reasons To Be Cheerful: The Life and Work of Barney Bubbles, first published in 2008. The problem was, his work was uncredited in many instances, making a definitive list difficult to compile.

So, who was Barney Bubbles? Born Colin Fulcher, he was a graphic designer who was closely associated with the British independent music industry, based for most of his career at premises in Portobello Road in west London. He designed his first record sleeve in 1969 (a couple of years after he adopted his professional pseudonym) and created over two hundred more over the next 15 years. Some of his most celebrated designs were created while he was art director at Stiff records (from 1977) where he also produced posters, promotional items and other collateral. His brief went well beyond the design of the packaging for the records Stiff released and he came up with ideas for marketing campaigns and the brand identity of the artists signed to the label, for instance the distinctive ‘face’ logo used for Dury’s backing band The Blockheads. His idea of using a Crown Wallpaper swatch on the cover of Dury’s Do It Yourself album became an inspired marketing tool, the twist being that a number of different variations would be used: each licensee worldwide that released the album would have at least one wallpaper pattern that would be printed for the album cover in that territory exclusively.

When Stiff boss Jake Riviera left to set up other companies, Fulcher went with him and his work appeared on records released by Radar and F-Beat, most notably Elvis Costello. Famous designs included the covers of Costello’s albums This Year’s Model (deliberately designed to appear to have the cover image misaligned, with the printer’s colour calibration chart appearing on the right hand side of the picture), and Armed Forces (which featured fold-out flaps inspired by Fulcher’s 1960s work in box and packaging design). But he also worked as a freelancer as well as in-house designer for Stiff, and his sleeve designs were issued by major and minor record companies alike. For example, Dury left Stiff for major Polydor in the 1980s but continued to commission Barney Bubbles designs for a number of his records. As an artist, his style was bold and colourful, often using geometric patterns and crypotgrams, loaded with in-jokes or references to art-history, and featured surrealist imagery. Completed pieces might be plain and simple or incredibly detailed and complex.

Barney Bubbles (Fulcher changed his name by deed poll) took his own life on 14 November 1983. He suffered from bipolar disorder and bouts of depression and manic behaviour had increased in his final years. At the time of his death he had a number of professional and financial worries, including being investigated by the Inland Revenue for unpaid tax and his design work being rejected by previously loyal recording artists who had commissioned him several times in the past. One of his most lasting and visible legacies was the distinctive logo that was used on the cover of New Musical Express throughout the 1980s. He oversaw the re-design of the paper in 1978 and his logo was still in use at the beginning of this century.

NEW SINGLES on sale from Aug. 22
1980
Ian DURY AND THE BLOCKHEADS (Ian Dury) I Want To Be Straight (Stiff BUY90)
1988
SPANDAU BALLET Raw (Reformation SPANS3)
Nick HEYWARD You’re My World (Warner Bros W7758)

Released today in 1981: Kitchen Person

Situation 2 SIT7

Our house (in the middle of our street) often inspired an 80s pop song title. There’s a garage full of flowers, or if you prefer you can come into the secret garden and take a look at the August grass, this being the month to do so. But for the greatest inspiration, I’d suggest going behind the green door. Maybe I’m just thinking that the rooms are all on fire, but if you can’t stand the heat, there’s one place you need to keep out of: and it’s the most talked about room in pop throughout the decade…


1980: Jona Lewie You’ll Always Find Me In The Kitchen At Parties Unfairly remembered as the “stop the cavalry guy” because of his hit song which has been a Christmas radio staple since its first release, Lewie had already established himself as a maker of novelty records with Kitchen At Parties, a Top 20 single the year before Stop The Cavalry. He had been active in the music industry for some years before either. Subsequent singles with titles like Re-arranging The Deckchairs On The Titanic and I Think I’ll Get My Hair Cut did little to enhance his reputation.


1981: The Associates Kitchen Person “I was always a kitchen person myself,” declares Billy MacKenzie. I’m not quite sure what a ‘kitchen person’ is and I should think I’ll never find out, because I find this single – one of several The Associates released during 1981 – almost unlistenable. I’m still yet to hear it through to the end. (The Independent’s 1997 obituary said, “Once you’d heard MacKenzie, the singer with The Associates, you were either hooked and became a fan, or your teeth were on edge every time one of his records came on the radio.”)


1982: Blancmange God’s Kitchen1982: Blancmange God’s Kitchen A double A-side (with the track I’ve Seen The Word) and the first minor hit for the Harrow synthpop duo Neil Arthur and Stephen Luscombe who would go on to enjoy three Top 10 hits over the next year or so. Both the tracks from this single, and their biggest hit Living On the Ceiling, featured on their album Happy Families. Unfortunately the hits dried up in the middle of the decade and they split in 1987.


1985: The Pale Fountains …From Across The Kitchen Table The title track of the post-punkers’ critically well-received second album, also released in the same year. It was produced by Ian Broudie, producer for acts such as Echo and the Bunnymen, who at the end of the decade would form his own group The Lightning Seeds, for which he was the singer, lead guitarist, producer and principle song-writer.


1987: UB40 Rat In Mi Kitchen Uncommonly for a UB40 single, the lead vocal on this one was performed by Astro, who also wrote it. Apparently, the song was inspired by an actual rodent problem being experienced by usual lead singer Ali Campbell at his new home. In the song, one of the wittiest and catchiest reggae hits of the year, Astro wonders what one should do when there’s a rat in the kitchen. He concludes: you’d better fix that rat, that’s what you’d better do – you’d better fix that rat.


1989: Frazier Chorus Dream Kitchen The influence of Nanette Newman is all over this single from unconventional post-ironic pop stars Frazier Chorus: “It’s just that there was I/Pretending I was tied to the kitchen sink and I thought/This stuff’s so kind to my hands/I’m never going to change to a different brand,” which was just what the delightful Ms Newman spent several years telling us about Fairy washing-up liquid in 80s television commercials. Dream Kitchen opened Side 1 of their debut album Sue; Side 2 began with Living Room, the only instance I can find of an 80s pop song using that room as the inspiration for its title. Unless anyone knows otherwise?

NEW SINGLES on sale from Aug. 7
1981
The ASSOCIATES Kitchen Person (Situation 2 SIT7)

Released today in 1987: Love Changes (Everything)

EMI EM15

Pop stars, eh? Never done a proper day’s work in their lives, most of them. Some of them can’t even be bothered to get dressed properly. In the 1980s, so many of them wandered about in various states of déshabillé it’s a wonder they weren’t all constantly catching colds. Underwear as outerwear was often on display: Madonna could be found on the back of her album cover in nothing but her negligee; Nick Kamen did his laundry in his boxer shorts; Annie Lennox went through a phase of taking to the stage in her bra. But by far the most celebrated undergarment was the humble vest, as sported by countless music industry celebrities. So here, If You Were There proudly presents:

The Top Three Greatest Vest-Wearing Pop Stars Of The Eighties

#3: Jon Bon Jovi
Of course Jon Bon Jovi wore vests, otherwise how would we have been able to see the Superman logo tattoo on his arm? Anyway, for American stadium rockers vests were de rigueur, so he wasn’t alone. In fact, track down a copy of the British issue of the Bon Jovi single Never Say Goodbye (released 28 years ago today) and I think you’ll find a couple of his colleagues are emulating him.

#2: Go West
A vest-wearing duo, no less, Go Vest – I mean, Go West – were Peter Cox (white vest) and Richard Drummie (black vest). Despite a string (vest) of hits, they never made the cover of Smash Hits. The image here was chosen for the cover of Bangs And Crashes, a collection of remixes of tracks from their first album. Thankfully, they smartened themselves up considerably for subsequent releases.

#1: Simon Climie
No one looked better in a vest than Simon Climie, and he seemed to have a wardrobe full of them. Early Climie Fisher releases often featured him modelling examples from his collection: various shots of him in a white vest graced the cover of their debut album Everything, and in the promotional clip for the single Love Changes (Everything) he favoured a black one. Or perhaps he had no choice and was made to wear them by his stylists. If that was the case, those stylists really ought to have made sure they had buttoned the fly on his jeans properly on the cover of the single Rise To The Occasion.

NEW SINGLES on sale from Aug. 3
1984
The CULT (Ian Astbury) Go West (Beggars Banquet BEG115)
Howard JONES Like To Get To Know You Well (WEA HOW5)
1987
BON JOVI (Jon Bon Jovi) Never Say Goodbye (Mercury JOV2)
CLIMIE FISHER Love Changes (Everything) (EMI EM15)
IMAGINATION (Leee John) The Last Time (RCA PB41471)
The JESUS AND MARY CHAIN Happy When It Rains (Blanco Y Negro NEG25)
PRETENDERS FOR 007 (Pretenders) If There Was A Man (WEA YZ149)